Recalculating
by musicalBlink
Summary: John and Karkat are lost in a big city and their GPS isn't helping. This is the tale of their quest to find a more reliable source of information.


**Guys. I can't stop writing one shots. DX I've got an addiction. Must. Write. Short. Stupid. Pieces. Of. Shit.**

**As usual, characters are out of character making it questionable if they're even characters. :/**

"Um... Karkat?" John asked tentatively.

"What in the ever loving fuck do you want, Egbert? Do you not see my clear attempts at figuring out how the fuck to get this stupid piece of shit GPS to work?" said Karkat, only giving his boyfriend a fraction of his attention.

"I think we might be lost."

"Don't be a moron. We're not lost. You might be lost- perhaps you took a left turn at idiocy when you were supposed to take a right turn at semi-intelligence- but I assure you _we_ are not lost."

"Karkat, that doesn't even make sense."

"Yeah, it does! You're just too much of a dumbass to get it."

John sighed. He hated it when Karkat got like this. They had been best friends since second grade and boyfriends since tenth grade, yet over all this time (and some anger management classes) Karkat hadn't quite gotten to a point where he could act like a reasonable human being when he was upset.

"Karkat."

The hot headed young man continued grumble under his breath, ignoring him.

"Karkat."

A horn blared it's complaint about their lack of movement. Karkat mindlessly stuck his middle finger out the window at the passing car.

"Karkat!" John yelled demandingly.

"What?!"

"Give me the GPS."

"No way! I've almost got it working. If you could just use your fucking patience and let me do this, maybe we might be able to escape this hellish city."

"No, we're not. You've been trying to get that fucking GPS to work for the past half an hour. I told you: these things don't work well in big cities because the satellites aren't fast enough."

He groaned, frustratedly.

"What we need is a map, and _I _will be in charge of it to keep your road rage down. Seriously, at this rate you're gonna run someone off the road."

"And I don't suppose you actually have a map."

"Erm... No. But I'm sure that if we go in a gas station or something we can get one!"

Karkat rolled his eyes, but pulled up to a gas station anyways. John went into the gas station while Karkat stayed in the car, still fidgeting with the GPS.

The derpy young man walked into the small Shell station. He went up to the counter where a woman was standing. "Hi," he said. "Do you have any maps here?"

The woman looked him over from head to toe, smiling. "I don't think you really need a map."

"Uh, yes. I do actually. We're lost. See, we're not from around here."

"We? As in the royal sense?"

"We as in my boyfriend and I." He was practically challenging her to say something.

"Oh," she said. Funny how quickly she lost interest in him. "We don't have any maps here."

John sighed. "Okay. Have a nice afternoon."

And with that, he left.

The two of them went to thirteen gas stations. None of them had maps.

In the parking lot of the thirteenth gas station, after meeting failure yet again, Karkat set his head down on the steering wheel. "Do we have to get a map today? Cant we just get dinner, find a hotel, and try again tomorrow?"

John spiritlessly said, "Come on, Karkat. We've gotta keep trying. Go to another gas station."

Karkat drove to an Applebee's. "So, do you really want to go to another gas station?"

The mouthwatering smell coming from inside easily swayed John's misled thoughts of visiting gas stations all night if necessary.

As they were climbing out of the car, the GPS spoke in its robotically feminine voice. "Recalculating."

"Shut the fuck up." Karkat picked up the GPS and through it into the middle of the road, where it was promptly run over.

Despite the fact that they both agreed it would have made much more sense to return the GPS when they got home, it was much more satisfying to hear the crunch and abrupt stop of the annoying voice that had been changing its mind and giving wrong directions throughout the entire day.


End file.
